Here I am, 2 months after surgery. After a lot of conversations and many hours of worrying and deliberating, I decided to go back to teaching this year. My surgery results provided a good result, but not the best result. The chemo I had from October to May shrunk my tumor, but didn’t eliminate it. This finding led to a more involved treatment plan for this fall and winter.
I’m now taking a chemo pill and doing IV immunotherapy until the end of February. I won’t lose my hair again, but that’s about the only positive side effect to both of these treatments.
I’ve spent some time feeling sorry for myself- I hope someone can relate. I find myself crying out to God, wondering “why me?”. I don’t want to be a patient anymore. I’m counting down the days until I’m done. I’ve read that many young patients feel more grief when treatment slows down, when we finally have a chance to breathe and are not in constant survival mode. That rings true for me. A twin pregnancy, working full time, and being a mom to 2 young kiddos left me with no time to process and sit in the sadness of our situation. I didn’t have time to be sad or scared. I just had to keep going. After my surgery and the quietness of the summer, I was finally left with time to think deeply about this last year- to think deeply about the trials and triumphs.
Cancer took my hair, my body, my security in living a long and healthy life, my independence, my time.
Cancer gave me 7 full months with the twins, a renewed sense of self, a desire to maximize family time, the realization that minor stresses aren’t worth the time worrying about them, new friends, and an entire community feeding us and loving us. I’m so grateful.
What I’m doing now is not easy. My body is still healing and working and momming full time takes its toll. But, Michael and mom are always there, picking up the pieces I can’t. I also find myself saying “you’ve made it this far, you can accomplish anything.”
Goodness, I would never wish cancer on anyone. But goodness, has it been a teacher of its own this year. I pray that one day families won’t face this awful diagnosis. Research has made incredible gains, and I’m optimistic new treatments are on the horizon.
Jesus, be near, to us and all those we love 🩷
Reeves Family Blog 