Yesterday was my last chemotherapy infusion! From October 31st until now, I’ve done 16 weeks of chemo. Four of those weeks were while I was pregnant and it was considered the drug with the worst side effects -AC, aka the “red devil.” Twelve of those weeks were while I was postpartum and family had to watch our newborn babies while I was gone most of the day on Tuesdays.

A special thanks to my mom, my mother in law, Cindi, and my dad who all rotated and took turns watching the babies during my treatment days. I always had a better day to start with knowing the babies were in good hands and that I could rest when I got home.

The big kids were always with our incredible sitter, Lynn. I never worried about the big kids and I am so thankful for that. Lynn is part of our family and has provided so many prayers and so much encouragement along the way.

Michael took me to the majority of my chemo days. It sounds so silly, but we tried our best to treat the days like a “day date.” In this crazy season of life, Tuesdays were the only time we had alone together. We often picked up breakfast on the way and spent the time during treatment watching a new movie or a funny TV show. We also loved the quiet in the car to actually talk to each other. Even though each Tuesday brought pain, we tried to make the very best out of it. Most of the time he made me laugh and I enjoyed being taken care of with no big kids running around or babies needing fed.

My mom took me to a few sessions, and it was so nice to spend the day with her talking and watching shows. Heather took me to one day too, and I was so thankful for just a quiet day with my sister, which never happens anymore.

During this journey I struggle with being honest with others about the hardships, and just lying and telling people we are doing fine. Physically and emotionally chemo has been awful, but I truly tried to make the best out of treatment days, and I encourage others going through it to try to, too. The blood draws and IV sticks were terrible, as well as some pain during, but the harder part was the aftermath, which included a lot of hard side effects during the week. Cancer is so hard, so finding joy in the journey is so necessary.

Our big kids have been as understanding as possible. They know I need a lot of rest, and they’ve been the most understanding about losing my hair. I love that they aren’t scared or embarrassed. They know I’m still me, and we all laughed at my bald head, and now at the patchy regrowth.

I’m so happy to put chemo infusions behind me. I’ll still get immunotherapy infusions, but less often and with less side effects.

Next up is surgery on June 11th.

Check out the sweet sign my sister made me, and some goodies to celebrate yesterday. On Saturday, May 17th my whole family is going to take part in the Susan G. Komen race downtown and our theme is Defying Gravity, Defying Cancer, due to my love of Wicked. 🩷💚

I cannot believe the girls are 3 and 1/2 months old! We’ve moved from survival to being used to our new normal. Lily and Mia are almost 11 pounds each and fitting into 0-3 month clothes. We have gotten LOTS of sweet smiles this month. They still LOVE to be held constantly, but occasionally will play on their mat or enjoy tummy time. They are looking so identical I can barely tell them apart! Identical twins is no joke! I can’t wait until they are bigger and try to trick us about who is who. But for now, they have similar personalities and their faces are identical and telling the difference is tricky. We are so thankful for the longest stretches of sleep so far! They’ve made it some nights with 7-8 hours of consecutive sleep, and that is a sheer miracle for Michael and I. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us as we adjusted from a family of 4 to a family of 6. We needed it! What a wild transition!

The big kids are incredibly sweet with the babies. They love to hold them and talk or sing to them. They even fight over who can care for them! C is such a little mama; always making their bottles and wanting to feed and rock them. C is about to graduate preschool and H is loving being outside and digging in the dirt. We’re also (unsuccessfully) working on potty training with him.

As I have said in past posts, my mom is the ultimate baby rocker/bouncer/feeder. This period of time in our lives would be 100% more draining and 100% more stressful without her. She even changed her work hours from full time to part time to help us. What a sacrifice! Taking care of four kids 5 and under still feels so hard with just Michael and I. We are getting better, but everyday is better with my mom.

I have 2 MORE chemo infusions until I am done with this regimen- tomorrow and next Tuesday. I have been counting down the days for a long time. The side effects this time are getting progressively worse- extreme fatigue, neuropathy, nausea, vomiting, more hair loss, etc. Honestly, it still makes me so angry that I am dealing with this at 31 and with 4 kids to take care of, but each day I pray I’ll come out of this so much stronger than I was before.

My double mastectomy surgery is scheduled for June 11. Please pray with us that NO cancer will be found when they open me up. I still have many treatment steps after this surgery regardless, but if cancer is found anywhere, the treatment list will be extremely long. Also, pray for Michael and my mom as I won’t be able to lift anything (even the babies!!) for 2 weeks. We’re looking for family and friends to come love on the big kids or hold babies while I recover. This community we have is great and we feel so loved!

A big joy for us recently is that Michael and the Berlin HS Symphonic Band earned a 1 rating (superior) at the State Competition. He has worked his whole career for this, and the students have been waiting for this historic 1! We are so proud!

Despite our hardships, we are finding joy and hope in this chaotic season of life. We trust that God will keep sustaining us!

🩷 I have officially been living with cancer for 6 months today. WHAT A LONG JOURNEY.
💗Found a lump late September 2024 Mammogram and biopsy early October 2024
💗Diagnosed October 14, 2024 with Triple Negative Breast Cancer.
💗 Started chemo on October 31, 2024
💗 4 Rounds of AC chemo aka “the red devil” – tons of side effects while pregnant with twins
💕 had twins on January 13, 2025
💕10 day NICU stay.
💗restarted chemo February 11th, went into anaphylaxis shock.
💗12 rounds of Abraxane and Carbo chemo started February 18th.
💗4 MORE CHEMOS TO GO! Then double mastectomy in June and radiation in July. Still more surgeries and treatment after that. This has been SO TOUGH! But I have the best people behind me and I’ve been so blessed along the way. 💖

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and good wishes! I’m trusting God will get me through this!

#breastcancermomma #triplenegativebreastcancer #fightingbreastcancer #twinmama #stayingstrong #chemosucks

Monday I met with the oncologist surgeon to plan out my surgery in June. I left with more questions than answers. I’m still waiting on my genetic results so we can’t make any decisions on what type of surgery yet. Also, I’ll meet with the plastic surgeon in a few weeks to plan reconstruction. My head is still spinning with all those options. I’d love to connect with others who have made this difficult decision.

Yesterday’s chemo went fine overall. My regimen since I had the awful reaction in February is weekly Abraxane and Carbo, and I’m also receiving immunotherapy called Keytrudo every 3 weeks.

My first IV went in fine, but as soon as they hooked up the chemo it started to burn. My nurse took out the first IV and put in another, and the meds went in without any pain.

I have 6 more weekly chemo sessions to go, and trust me, I am counting down the days. I am reminding myself that it okay to be both thankful this is saving my life and angry I’m suffering these awful side effects, some temporary and some permanent.

The girls keep getting cuter and cuter! Mia’s face has filled out and she has some adorable chunky cheeks. Lily seems to be much more vocal. We’re getting more and more smiles. It still feels like they eat all the time, which is so draining. They also love to be held, so getting rest in between feeds is so hard. Showing up as a patient wife and mom is a challenge right now, as the chemo and broken sleep is wearing on me immensely. I am spending lots of time in prayer asking for patience. “We’ll all get through this,” I continue to remind myself.

We are constantly being held and supported by our families. I’m so grateful for parents and in-laws that see our pain and fill in the gaps. The big kids love having all their grandparents (and their Titi- my sister) around. God has still blessed even in our trials. Our community is big!

I continue to be thankful for all those we know (and those we don’t!) praying for us. We ask for rest, patience, and good news as I await my genetic results.

The girls are 2 months! Look how much they’ve grown! They are sleeping better at night (not perfectly!) and growing a lot (7lbs 10oz and 7lbs 8oz). Our family is loving the warm weather and sunshine.

Not a lot to report lately, but wanted to give an update for those asking.

The girls continue to put on weight and are growing well. We aren’t getting much sleep at all, but we’re doing our best to remember that this won’t last forever. *Experienced twin parents- send me all the tips for helping twins sleep longer and at the same time, please!!

The big kids are great! They seem so big next to the babies, and they adore their sisters so much.

My mom is a saint- truly being fully immersed in this hard season of life with us. She’s taking multiple late night feedings, helps care for and transport the big kids each day, and does plenty of laundry and dishes. We would be lost without her.

My dad and my mother in law watch the babies on my chemo days, which are long, sometimes 5-6 hour days. They’ve become quite the team and we are thankful.

I still have 9 more chemo sessions, and I hate how they drain me. Living on limited sleep is enough, but adding on dealing with the awful side effects of these drugs just seems so unfair. But still, I keep going. There is no other option. It is looking like my surgery will be sometime in June.

We are beyond thankful for prayers, cards, and all the food. Our church, Grace Point, set up a meal train for us when the babies first came home from the hospital, and some dear friends have dropped off food as well. We found an unexpected blessing in a meal train from another church, St. John Neumann. One family at our sitter’s attends there and shared our story. I’m so moved that people we’ve never met are bringing meals to get us through my chemo days. It’s so hard to accept help, but we are beyond grateful!

Sending love and many prayers to our family and friends. Hope everyone is finding joy in the journey and trying to focus on the good in this broken and chaotic world. ❤️

Quick update- chemo went great today! Thanks for all the prayers! The fear of anaphylactic shock was wiped away; God is good and the new drug worked!

We pray for our big village too- may you all be safe and healthy. We love you!

The girls are almost a month old! They are eating like champs and gaining weight really well. They have to eat every 3 hours so Michael, my mom, and I are losing lots of sleep. We’re still trying to figure out the best way to get the girls all their feedings and trade off who does which one. We’re doing the best we can. Lily is a bit bigger and a better eater, but Mia is our better sleeper. The big kids have adjusted wonderfully. They love their babies and are so sweet and gentle with them.

Today I restarted chemo. That turned into a disaster. I started a new drug and the plan was to have that drug infusion weekly for 12 weeks. However, I had an anaphylactic reaction to the drug within 5 minutes of it being administered. My nurses and doctor were completely ready for a possible reaction (it happens in 30% of patients) and they got me all the help I needed very quickly, including 2 doses of an epi-pen, lots of reversal meds and steroids, and oxygen. It was immensely scary, as I couldn’t breathe and my blood pressure and oxygen levels dropped dangerously low. It was an incredibly awful day. I’m so thankful for Michael holding my hand and keeping me calm.

My oncologist already has another plan and another drug to try next week. Hoping and praying that infusion is reaction free 🤞🏼

The girls are home! We were anticipating they would still be in the NICU over the weekend, but the doctors surprised us and said if Mia reached 4lbs, she could go home. Lily had already surpassed that on Wednesday.

Yesterday was full of watching discharge videos in the NICU, passing the car seat tests and waiting on all the approvals. The big kids waited up late and finally got to meet their baby sisters around 9:30pm. It was pure joy watching C and H smile and ooh and ahh at these tiny, yet mighty, girls. They are in love and we couldn’t be more excited to have all our family under one roof.

We are so thankful for everyone’s prayers! We saw our girls through some tough circumstances and our hearts just ached these past 10 days. We are praising God and are so thankful for our village. We are blessed. 🩷🩷

Babies are still in the NICU, and we’re driving back and forth to see them each day. We’re trying to be there for all their day feeds, which are 8:30, 11:30, 2:30, and 5:30. They are keeping up with their feeding requirements by bottle, but it takes them a long time to get through their feeds.

The doctors want them both to get back to at least 4 lbs. That is definitely a requirement for discharge. If they fall behind on their feeds, they will have to get back on their feeding tubes. Both girls have had great bilirubin checks for a few days, so no more light therapy for anyone.

Michael and I have been through plenty of difficult seasons in our marriage, and have always come out stronger. This has to be the hardest so far. Cancer, twin-pregnancy with complications, 2 premies, NICU time, 2 big kids at home that need care and attention who have yet to meet their sisters, our families stressing themselves out to meet our needs, and all the emotions that come with all of this. This isn’t easy and feels so unfair.

We pray for things to be easier, we pray for things to go our way, but so far, we wait.

Thanks for hanging in there with us. 👶🏼🩷👶🏼